So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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