My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
