I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
