you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
