the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
