its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
