I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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