and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
as a side note pls kill me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
