I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
