O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
