everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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