Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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