My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
