I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
