hotel room ftw
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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