i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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