I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
