time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
