There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
