ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
