I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
