so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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