you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
