When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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