Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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