Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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