I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
