remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
