I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
