just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
