he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
