im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
