i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
