no, he came in my armpit
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
