Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
