Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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