What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
