In America we eat man semen.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
