Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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