the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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