She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
