You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
