He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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