I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
