Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
