Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
