May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
