I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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