I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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