walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
